Saturday, January 7, 2012

THE ATTRACTION OF OPPOSITES

The New Year did not necessarily start off well, though it did start with a bang.  "BRRNNGGG!"  That was my phone at 6 a.m.  Either someone was still celebrating, I cursed as I dove over four sleeping animals to my telephone, or it was an emergency.  Oops...emergency.  It was a semi-tearful friend on the other end of the line.  She was away on vacation until after the holiday.  Her mother was with her, and both their house keys of course were with them.  I was the only other person with a key and...the police were at her house.  Her alarm had gone off three times, they had had to go to her house three times and they were-not-happy.  Could I please go into the house for a walk-through?  Oh, and call the security company if it was a sensor problem?  It was, I did, and then I zoomed off to...the dentist.  I had already noticed that a little sensitivity I had been feeling in the upper left hand corner of my mouth was no longer little.  The gum and roof of my mouth seemed to be turning into a growth the size of a small lemon and were oozing blood.  I've never had an abscess, but a little bell in the back of my mind said that I by golly had one now.  So off I went.  I basically had a mouth full of blood, which the dentist discovered as soon as he lanced it.  I spent quite a while hanging over the sink.  Then I went off  to check levels to be sure I wouldn't exsanguinate from a tooth extraction and get some Vitamin K to be on the safe side, since until recently I was on anti-coagulants and my clotting doesn't seem quite back to normal.  Later in the day, it was back to the dentist.  Needless to say, I never made it back to work, though I had managed to put in about a whole two hours. 

It probably wasn't bad, as such things are reckoned.  Forty-five minutes and a whole lot more bleeding later, after a caution not to drive unnecessarily because my hemoglobin might be a little low, I walked out clutching my jaw and my antibiotics, $118 poorer.  Oh, and the phony tooth to be put in two weeks later would be $680, by the way.  Apparently that's a bargain.  One of the titanium jobs that screws into your jaw bone is $3,000+ and that sounds like just way too much money for the pain, so I figured I'd settle for the cheapie.  We'll see how it works out.  I don't have many dental problems as a rule, so I'm charting unknown territory.  But I cracked that tooth years ago in a fall from my horse so hard that I whacked my jaws together with a force that probably registered on a seismograph somewhere. 

Those were the good old days.  I don't do stuff like that any more because, let's face it, I'm just too damn old.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat.  I was a dynamo in my younger days, all too willing to pack up the hamper and go freeze my tush off at any football game, climb a mountain or foxhunt until I was shaking with exhaustion.  This would have delighted many husbands, but did I pick one who appreciated my finer points?   Ah, well...no.  My husband would dutifully meet me at the door when I traipsed in covered with muck, kindly inquire if I had had a good time and pour me a sherry, after which I would collapse under a comforter and watch football on the TV, which is what he would have preferred me to do in the first place.  That was where he watched football, if he watched at all.  No, I married a man who could spend hours happily wandering through the grocery store.  He was a food broker, so I understood that this was professional fascination, but he could also, God help me, do it in the mall.  The Mall?  The place I passionately detested and avoided like grim death?  I bless whatever fate decreed I would be born in the age of on-line shopping, but my husband LOVED malls.

That was only one small example of the differences between us.  Our marriage lasted despite them, maybe even because of them.  And as I sit here at 5 a.m. cradling my aching jaw, I wonder how many times that works out.  Dave never learned to foxhunt and I still hate malls, but we managed.  Do marriages of flaming opposites burn themselves out or smoulder into comfortable old age?  Should we view these vast chasms as challenges to be overcome...warning signs of trouble ahead...intellectual exercises...opportunities to broaden our horizons?  My spirit was always duty-bound to make a challenge out of climbing things--or jumping a horse over them.  Are some of us marital thrill-seekers?  If so, do we ultimately enrich our lives?  What do you think?

18 comments:

  1. Your comments made me smile. If there are no opposites in anything, it becomes boring. I, too have a husband who loves to go to malls and shop for clothes for me, because I detest it. He comes up with the most amazing outfits. However, I won't let him buy my shoes or purses. He buys expensive lacy underwear, which I love:-) We love to watch college football together and I have learned to love college basketball. I do a lot of things most women wouldn't know where to start with, such as checking the oil and water on his truck.He taught me, because he forgets :-) On the other hand he can't cook a lick, but if I don't want to cook, all I have to do is say so. Right away he'll ask if he should get take-out or would I like to go out. He handles my PR, he takes care of things over the phone or in person, when he sees that I don't like to bother with it. He can and does admit to women being smart and more meticulous than men. He hired more women pharmacists over the years than men. He is a considerate lover, but that is where you have to become creative as the years pass by:-)Don't settle for friendship and a handshake, make the world rock, but that road is a two-way street. So yes, I consider myself a thrill seeker and it does enrich my life. Kind of reminds me of that song "Do you like pina colada." Unless you let the other person know what you truly like, you ultimately lose out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent points, Heide. I would say your husband sounds like a keeper. And you made me laugh, too. Yes, I was the one who checked on the cars after we ran out of wiper fluid in a snowstorm between Philadelphia and New York. When I asked my husband why he hadn't checked, he said that's what mechanics were for. Just call me Miriam the Mechanic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post Miriam. I had no idea you were such a tomboy. :) I too fix just about anything that ever needs repair. It's not always easy being married to an opposite, but mine makes me laugh and we have fun together. Two sides of the same coin. :) Thanks for sharing.
    ~Rose

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rose, thanks for the comment. Oh, yeah, I'm a terrible tomboy, raised with an older brother. It was do or die, so I did. I love the way you refer to your relationship--two sides of the same coin. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Miriam, what a fascinating story! Opposites do attract, but can also repulse. Fortunately my opposites were (according to my mother) bad boys, so i was in no danger of being allowed to be serious about one.
    Arnold and I were different in certain aspects, but also similar in others. It made for a happy and peaceful life.
    Mind you, if I had started writing romance while he was still alive, he would have politely discouraged me. And probably suggested, as my son does now, that i might enjoy writing mysteries instead! (He is a lot like his Father).

    KATE HOFMAN

    ReplyDelete
  6. Excellent post, Miriam. What a fun way to get to know more about you. I've been able to take my wife to exactly 1 pro football game, and to see live music twice in our 20 years. She just isn't interested. However, she is a baseball fan, so when we aren't spending time at the ballpark watching our oldest play softball, we follow the woeful Royals.

    As I get older, I enjoy leisure time reading and writing more. She never stops. As a stay-at-home mom, she continues to work until she drops. We both can cook, but I follow recipes while she sees them as helpful suggestions. Ah the challenge of the opposite.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fascinating, derekd, how you and your wife have adapted to each other's differences.
    I loved your different approach to cooking - you follow recipes and she sees them as helpful hints. Brilliantly put!
    My husband (I'm a widow)could cook the best bacon and eggs ever, anywhere. But that was all he could cook.
    When they let me come home early with a hip replacement, I really wasn't up to standing in the kitchen, but after two days of bacon & eggs 3 times a day, I somehow managed. And made a remarkably quick recovery.

    KATE

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh, no, Kate! You never got serious about a bad boy? What's the fun in that? But I know your Arnold was a dear and worth waiting for.

    Thanks for your comments, Derek. There must be some interesting food served up at your house!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Miriam. I think opposites can only work out in a relationship if they each respect the other. My husband and I have more similarities than differences, though, and I'm completely happy with that. Except he likes the History Channel, and I'm more likely to watch HGTV.

    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cool blog, Miriam, and I loved your story about the tooth - laughing out loud! Not AT you, mind, but at the way you described it - in great writerly fashion. Dental work is very expensive and I don't envy you going through it since I abhor visiting the dentist and have to go at least twice a year for check-ups, but still hate it. My husband and I are SO different, it's wild. But we make a good pair. Go figure! Makes you wonder about that BO-RING phrase "opposites attract". Might it just be true?
    Patti

    ReplyDelete
  11. I met my husband in college. I was liberal arts and wanted to save the world. He was engineering and wanted to invent fantastic things. I loved horses and animals and he'd never had a pet. I loved nature and being active and he loved to spend time in his workshop. He also enjoyed window shopping, while malls drove me crazy.

    We've been married 47 years now. He has a horse and has gone horse camping, paraded, done quadrille and spent lots of hours at dressage shows. I've seen beaucoup computer fairs, electronic conferences, air shows, and eventually became a tech writer. I think opposites are great.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with Kathy: opposites are great. Hubby and I have been balancing opposite ends of life's teeter-totter ever since we met. I detest crowds, loud noises and prefer a solitary walk in the woods. I also consider animals the very best and most reliable sorts of friends. Hubby is a "people" person, hates to sit at home alone and is an avid NASCAR fan who would rather gouge out his own eyes than miss a trip to Talladega for the big race. Yet, somehow...we've been married for over 32 yrs. and haven't killed each other...yet. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I enjoyed your literary description of your dental emergency, Miriam, though I'm sorry you had to experience it. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. So. Opposites attract. I saw it in my grandparents' marriages. They bickered beautifully, but they got along well. On the other hand, my parents were complete opposites, and their marriage imploded quickly. My husband and I are both Libras. We are complete opposites, but I like to think the scales balance somehow. I cook, he fixes things. I love new adventures, he loves the couch and his widescreen TV, though once I get him out of the house, he's darn good company. I suppose after 40 odd years, we're used to each others' ways, not a bad thing. "Every old slipper has its old stocking" and all. Great post, Miriam!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow, thanks to all you ladies for your great comments. On the whole, it sounds like this tricky teeter-totter thing works out. Of course, when it doesn't, I guess the breakup is even more spectacular than the average, with more fireworks. Well, never a dull moment is my motto--as you can see from this post!

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a great post! Opposites do atttract. :) Thanks for sharing your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maybe I am a thrill seeker. I too, used to revel in challenge and I got bored with books or movies where romance was the strongest plot. I liked action. Still do. My husband didn't adapt though. I wish he had. I tried to adapt to his low key, satisfied with the present, watch TV personality and would be restless. We both liked to visit historical sites and I'd imagine being in the action. What if ... the eternal word smiths' state of mind. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yeah, I hear you, Gwen. I don't think being married to a writer is easy. Sad to say, I didn't get into writing my novels until after my husband died. But I'm not sorry that I made him my priority.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi all you married people, I hope you don't mind my saying, If the margin of opposite is too great as was in both my marriages unfortunatly it does end badly. But I am so happy to read so many successful relationships that have made it. My parents were the worse in being opposites and they made it til death do they part. Amen to marriage when it works.

    ReplyDelete